We all carry stories with us that don’t always match up with reality, right? These thoughts that tell us we’re not good enough become our negative narrative.
Each and every day we tell ourselves internal stories about our work, money, relationships, health, and abilities. What we do, is assume what other people are thinking about us. What we are doing is projecting our own insecurities onto others. We assume people think we are not good enough, that they are laughing at us and think we are stupid. Most are rarely based on reality.
So how do we reframe these narratives that aren’t serving us? How can we live a more contented life?
How to reframe these negative thoughts
This isn’t a one off exercise, sorry! This needs to become a consistent practice in your life. Reframing thoughts, beliefs, and patterns is something you will likely need do on a daily, if not hourly basis. And believe me, it’s easy to want to avoid the consistent work required to continue learning, evolving, and shifting your inner-narrative! But it’s not the strategies or processes holding you back, it’s your mindset.
So how can we change these negative narratives? Read on…
First, observe the narrative you already have
We all have an overarching narrative that runs through our mind telling us who we are, what we’re capable of, and what our purpose is. Within that large narrative live hundreds of little sub-narratives that loop in our brains and can either empower us or cause us to self-sabotage.
Have you ever text someone, not to have them message back and assume they are annoyed with you? Or have you ever walked into a room and assumed others are we’re talking about you? Your negative narrative is loud and proud and taking over your rational thought.
These are some of the common stories that live inside our brains that, more often than not, are untrue, and stems from our belief in ourselves (or lack of belief!)
Now, take moment to think about whose voice you can hear. Is it your own voice telling you that you’re not good enough? Not deserving of the job? Don’t look good enough? Or is it the voice of your mother, your old teacher, an partner?
This feels like it may take a while, but in reality the brain can work pretty quickly when it begins to observe the thoughts!
Just observe.
Start looking for patterns
Like many things in life, there is likely to be patterns. Is there a theme to your struggles? Do scenarios play out in similar fashions? Once we strip the story away, a pattern can emerge. Are there behaviours, habits or patterns that you seem to fall back on, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy?
Think of this example, perhaps you are trying to communicate something to your boss, but self-doubt (the negative narrative) holds you back from saying what you really want to say. So you stay quiet. You begin to feel anxious because you feel foolish for being quiet and looking awkward. You then withdraw further through fear of criticism, in turn, anything you do say may come out poorly, as you have made assumptions before the conversation began.
What you believe becomes reality, even if it wasn’t necessarily true in the first place. It’s often our thoughts and these stories that trip us up more than the actual truth of the situation.
Change the narrative
Now we get to change these thoughts, beliefs, and patterns. You are the author of your story. Sometimes it takes rewriting them intentionally, with a positive plot twist. How can you change the story you’re telling yourself? While it takes work to shift your inner narrative, it starts with knowing the story you want to work towards.
How would it feel to be insanely successful in the area you believe you are limited? What would it look like if you showed up as a version of you who excelled here? What would need to change? How would you need to carry and present yourself?
This can be done by spending time thinking or indeed write these thoughts down. Who do I want to be? What’s my ideal version?
Anchor the new narrative
Now the action happens! It doesn’t have to be earth-shattering, or wild, small shifts forward can have a big impact on getting past the negative narrative.
It’s time to move into that new story of yours. Make it your own! It’s not about never hearing the negative again, it’s reframing it and catching it before it takes over and causes you to spiral. The key is to make this a daily practice. You are literally re-teaching your brain to prioritise these positive pathways of thinking, which will allow you to see challenges as opportunities rather than limitations. Check out Dr Julie Smith and her fantastic analogy of how we can retrain our thoughts.
Mindset isn’t a place you simply arrive at; it’s a daily choice and something you need to be an active participant in daily as you grow, and evolve. You don’t just fix it and then hooray you’re cured and that’s that. The only way to minimise or delete a default is to first admit it is there and then actively replace it with positive, growth-oriented thoughts instead.
If you would like to work together on changing you internal negative narrative contact me here